dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
