that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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