Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
