Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize