i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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