She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
