Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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