so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize