We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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