can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Randomize
