Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
