do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize