i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
how drunk are you?
Several
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
