I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
