This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
