i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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