I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
