I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
