i may or may not be watching the land before time
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
