Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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