I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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