I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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