so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize