Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
