lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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