I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
