so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
