I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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