dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize