six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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