therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
