absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
