you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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