Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
