I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
