ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
