Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
