Sponge bath it is.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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