I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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