can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
