I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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