He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
