Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
