It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
