i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
