Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
