so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
