Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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