I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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