Got a toothbrush?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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