the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
