i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
