Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
