I swear she didn't look like that last week.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
