she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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