your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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