when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
