I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
