that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
