I can tuck mytits in my pants
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
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