Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
