I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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