I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
