not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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