tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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