At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
