This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
