i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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