How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
one two three fourrrrnication!
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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