Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
