it hurts more in the daytime
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
