Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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