I wish I could teleport
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
