We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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