i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize