i may or may not be watching the land before time
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
