Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
