Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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