some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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