I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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