he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She bit a glass in half.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
