Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
