This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
