I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
