i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
operation harelip BJ is a go
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
