i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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