remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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