I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
